Regnum Christi Alapitvany ..::.. Upcoming events

Participant
There was a lot of pain in my heart because in my childhood I did not receive from either of my parents the love I should have. The good Lord blessed me with a child whom I lost after two months. He was my security, and there was very great pain in my heart toward the good Lord and toward everyone because I had to lose my child. Over the years I healed, but there was still unforgiveness in my heart toward my father, and here at the course I realized this. On the first day, in prayer, when I was in the garden of my soul, I saw beautiful flowers, and Jesus was there, and the two of us were walking together. When Jesus wanted to lead me toward the Heavenly Father, I did not want to go there, so the image broke off. However, when the teachings were about the Father, a very, very deep pain burst forth from my heart. The sisters embraced me, and
Vicki came to the chair and hugged me; then I felt that through Vicki the Father loves me and embraces me. When I asked a sister for prayer, I saw the Father behind me, and before I could ask Him to embrace me, He had already embraced me — and I physically felt the hug, and everything was in that embrace. The Father said to me: “I love you!” Encouraged by the sister, I asked the Father if He wanted to say anything else, and He said to me: “I am there beside you even when you do not feel it!” I feel that through this I experienced a very deep healing. After this I also told my father what I needed to forgive, but when I heard about orphanhood in the teachings, I realized that my father was also an orphan, because he lost his own father at the age of two, and then at seventeen he was shot in the war and had to live his life disabled. I now look at these things completely differently. I went into the chapel before the Blessed Sacrament and drew this Scripture: “Love one another constantly from a pure heart, for you have been born again not from perishable seed but through the living and enduring word of God.” After this I said that I could not cry anymore and that I had already cried all my tears, but during the next dynamic I felt such an act of love from the Father as He turned toward me — He took me into His hands like a little baby. Now I feel that the good Lord has healed my wound, and I can always feel myself in the Father’s arms, because He is always there with me.

Participant
About a year ago my right heel hurt very, very badly — so much that I could hardly step, and we were afraid I might end up in a wheelchair because of the pain. I have had pain in my ankle, knee, and shoulder for about 15 years, but nothing made it go away. I told God that only He could heal my pain, because even the doctors could no longer help. When I was in the garden of my soul, a hillside was covered with very beautiful flowers. Together with Jesus we went up to the top of the hill to the Father, whom I saw in the image of a kind grandfather. The Father sat us on His lap — me on His left leg and Jesus on His right — and then He said: “Come to me, all you who are weary.” At that moment I said to God: yes, here I am, but why must I suffer so much? Why must there be so much physical pain in my life? Then, very gently, the Father said: “So that you may come closer to me. As the course went on, I realized that I also needed to forgive God, because I had blamed Him for
becoming diabetic 25 years ago and because my second child died. Two months ago, I also realized that I had to forgive myself, and I could only do this forgiveness in my mind, but not in my heart. During the course I succeeded in forgiving and becoming free. In the middle of the evening Mass, I felt that I could step on my foot — something I had not been able to do for a year. I felt that it did not hurt, and I kept testing whether it hurt, but it didn’t — or it was a different kind of pain, in no way the pain I had had to endure for a full year and that had left me without hope. I can return home not only with spiritual healing but also with physical healing. Thank you, my God.

Participant
At the course, through Robert I felt that my father loves me, because at home I did not receive the love I would have needed. Unfortunately, alcohol and cigarettes were strongly present in my life for 25 years. I was aggressive in the family, and they were always afraid of me when I came home from work. In 2009 the good Lord entered my life, and He gave back to me everything I had wasted. I gave up alcohol and cigarettes, and I also got my job back. I feel that the good Lord is holding my hand, and He held it during this course as well. I am going home from the course with peace in my heart.

Participant
I attended the prayer ministry and laid down many things, but I feel that there is still more I need to surrender. It felt very good to hear that if someone hurts me, I should say, “This is not my bear,” and not take on their issues. The other thing that deeply touched my heart was the healing of the father wound, because it stirred me up very much. I did not think I had so much to forgive my father for — this was very deep for me. It was a very comforting experience to realize that I am the Father’s daughter and that He has accepted me into His family through Jesus. I ask the good Lord to help me stay vigilant so that I always remember this.

Participant
I am half-orphaned, because I lost my mother at the age of 14 — sadly, she committed suicide — and my father was an alcoholic. I experienced the presence of the good Lord already in my childhood, when I made my First Communion, because I asked Him to give me a sibling. After a year my three younger brothers were born. I recognized many situations when I was pushed into the background and was hurt. My siblings and I were placed in a children’s home, and I always experienced God and His care. It was new for me in this course that I could draw close to the Father, to His heart. I asked Jesus to strengthen me, but I never would have thought that the Father could fill my wounded heart like this. I went for prayer ministry, and during the prayer I saw my little self at home in the yard. I saw Jesus and wanted to play with Him. The Holy Spirit filled me, and I felt a ray above my head. We went further, and I remembered that my mother had committed suicide at home and that many bad things had happened there. I realized that my childhood had been filled with fear. Then I saw myself beside my mother, trying to wake her, but she would not wake up. I stood there crying, begging her not to leave us. I saw Jesus lean down, lift me up, and lead me out through the gate. He lifted me away from my mother and led me out. Everything turned into deep crying, yet I felt myself being set free and relieved. I did not see the Father, but I physically felt Him embracing me from behind. I had never experienced this fatherly embrace before — I had never felt Him so close until now. After this, Vicki asked me where I had let go of Jesus’ hand. Then I saw the children’s home — I was standing on the terrace, looking up at the sky and blaming God for allowing my mother to leave us and for giving me three siblings who were only three years old. I had vowed that without a mother I would raise my brothers myself, but there I very much let go of God’s hand because I was angry with Him. God came and stood beside me on the terrace, and much pain burst forth. Jesus closed the door completely on my past. I stood there and looked back, and gratitude filled me for everything. The Father took me into His arms on the way, and then Vicki prayed that the Father would show me my home, but we could not go further from there. I believe that God will show me my home, but until then I am in the Father’s arms. I can calm down and rest, because I am very, very tired. I pray that I may remain in this.

Participant
In this course I experienced how important I am, that the Father is present and answers my questions instantly, and that I too can hear Him. I understood which inner voices I need to pay attention to in order to receive confirmation from Him. I recognized that the Father can act against the wrong processes taking place within me — He can rewrite the incorrect laws that have entered my heart. When the Father’s heart was discussed and I had to forgive my father, this went well within the
framework of the program. I was also able to forgive my mother, and this too unfolded smoothly. The next day the teaching was about the mother’s heart, and there was a major breakthrough in me. As a mother, I felt that I had done everything I could — we tried to raise our children in freedom and love. Yet I could not be present in my children’s lives the way I wanted, because there are many things I do not remember, since I was not truly “present.” By the time they grew up, I was still in my own woundedness, searching for memories that were not there. I blamed myself that my children had gone far away, but Jesus told me to forget this, because this is their life and it is as it should be. When I was supposed to forgive my mother, it was not my own mother who came to mind, but my own motherhood — how I could be reconciled with my wounded daughter. I went to one of the ministers who strongly resembled my daughter and asked her to be my daughter, and through this I was finally able to be reconciled. This was a very big turning point for me. Through the prayers I received a great deal of healing, and I am very, very grateful for it. There is always more healing to come, and I know this is a process. I also understood that God is more grateful than we are — than I am — that I have now devoted time and want to be His child. The Lord said that this is a very great work, but He is with me and He is the one who accomplishes the greater part of it.
Participant
What touched me most during the course were the prayer exercises and then the prayer ministry. There was a resentment in my heart because I felt that my dad did not pay enough attention to me. In prayer regarding this, the Heavenly Father told me that He would fill the gaps my father had not filled, that He carries me in the palm of His hand, and that He lifted me out of the family so that I might be a prophet to stop the brokenness in the whole family. Another thing that became clear to me is that my mother had two serious brain surgeries, and during the counseling the question came up whether I had truly forgiven her or only out of pity. Yesterday it became clear in me, however, that yes — God has given me the grace to forgive very easily.

Participant
Until the inner healing course, I did not realize that I was struggling with my father. I grew up having every material thing I needed. My father worked a great deal and, because of this, he could not be present at many important events in my life, and he tried to compensate by making sure I had everything. As time went on, there were many moments when I needed him and he was not there. It is important to know about him that he is not an emotional person, so we cannot really talk about these things. I realized that I have issues in this area and that I need to work on it. When my father drinks, he becomes very aggressive, and he showed this toward my mother. For a long time I just endured all of this, but there came a moment in my life when there was another such argument. I came down from my room and started shouting at my father at the top of my lungs and almost hit him. At that moment a break occurred — he saw what I was about to do, but in that instant he stopped, sat down, and burst into tears. At the time I did not realize how deeply this affected me, and that I needed to forgive not only him but even more myself. Two things came up for me in connection with this during the course. Before the prayer for me, I felt an urge to go into the chapel and draw a Scripture verse. I did not really understand its meaning at first, but when the prayer ended, the passage became clear to me. The verse was: “Honor your father from your heart and soul, and never forget your mother’s pain. Remember that through them you exist — how will you repay what they have done for you?” After this Scripture, the whole situation became conscious for me, because in prayer the Father showed me how many wounds my father carries, and that he received the same from my grandfather, who also struggled with alcoholism. In prayer the Father showed me that in his childhood my father had vowed that he would not raise his children this way — yet he ended up doing the same. The Father told me to believe that, in his current state, my father hates himself more than I am angry with him. I received the answer that I should look at his pain and somehow lead him toward the good Lord, onto the path of conversion.
I ask the good Lord for help and blessing on how to do this, because I believe that the many good things my father has done for me could best be repaid this way. I also believe that a key to my own healing may be to bear witness to God to my father.

Participant
Previously, when I thought about the Father, I did not feel Him anywhere in my life; even when I closed my eyes, all I saw was complete darkness. During the prayer, when I went into the garden of my heart, I saw myself beside a fence along the road, and everything was yellow, then green, and afterward black. Then two hands came and held me from both sides. This was a very powerful experience for me, because until now I had not been able to feel the Heavenly Father in any way. During the topic of forgiveness, I cried the whole time, because when I was little, they always told me not to cry. Because of this, for years I did not cry and did not open up to anyone. But since May of last year, thanks be to the good Lord, I have been able to cry freely. It was a big thing for me that I was able to forgive my father. In prayer God showed me an image: I was riding my bicycle at home on the road, then I fell and hurt myself. My father came to me and told me not to cry, but later Jesus came and led me to the Heavenly Father.

Participant
The difficulty of my childhood was that my dad could not handle situations in the family, so he went out to work in the workshop from morning till evening to avoid everything. Everyone withdrew from the situations, so I was left alone, and because of this I decided that I would solve everything by myself. I realized that if I performed well in school, they would be proud of me and pay attention to me, so I got straight A’s. Every quiz, every little thing had to be an A. I went home and said I got another A in Romanian, and the response was: “Only one?” At that moment I wrote into my heart that one A is not enough. So a week later I came saying I got an A in math and Hungarian literature too, and the answer was: “Not with a star?” When I already had the stars, the next question was: “Did the others get one too?” I increasingly began to learn that everyone can get an A, everyone can get a starred A — so I have to do something extra. I started going to competitions, and the standard became that everyone can win the county level — I have to win the national one. Then afterward, that too is something everyone can do — I should win international competitions. Then I thought everyone can do that too, so I should win in several subjects. I got to the point where in one year I went to math, physics, chemistry, Romanian, Hungarian, English, and IT competitions… and I won them. The Ministry of Education wrote to our school that they wanted to honor me, but inside I thought: everyone gets honored at the ministry… it’s nothing special. I asked my parents whether this was good, but it was not a big deal for them. Then I was honored three more times. They called to say they wanted to send me to study at Oxford, but that was not a big deal either. In fact, after I came home, they wanted to invite me back, but even that was not enough. Others said this is perfectionism, performance-centeredness — but what was written in my heart was that I am not loved unconditionally; I have to earn it. Once I tried to get my dad to say he was proud of me. When my cousin skipped school, I asked him: “Dad, if I skipped school too, what would you do?” His answer was: “Son, I would hang myself…” So I learned that this is literally a matter of life and death. At university I also had straight A’s, then at a company I became a director at 27, and at 30 I burned out. It was good that I burned out, because at least I realized that somewhere I also have limits. Through much the inner healing ministry I have healed a lot, but I remember when my wife started telling me she loves me, I didn’t believe it — I thought that’s just her duty. Later I started searching for why she loves me. I thought maybe because I did this or that?! But I saw in her that no — she just loves me — and that blew a fuse in me. I wondered what could be wrong with her. As this was healing and I came to the course, things surfaced in the teachings that showed there were still some root issues here and there. One very powerful thing that touched me was the topic of false consolations. I knew about it, but I had not understood it in this form. I saw that I tend to reduce my anxieties with overeating and other things. As I got free from one, I slipped into another — for example into movies. I thought I would overcome this by my own strength and made compromises with it. Sweets are better than drugs… In this course I felt that God is calling me to lay down these substitute behaviors, and I believe I succeeded, and I want to believe that the Heavenly Father will fill this. The Father said several times that He loves me, and I am beginning to accept that there are no conditions for this. For me, this course was such that things surfaced from unexpected places that I never would have imagined — and in this way the picture could come together: the Heavenly Father loves me!

Participant
During the course, healing began in my relationship with God and with myself; God acted in my life. I was deeply touched when Vicki spoke about the Father and shared a testimony related to experiences in the womb, and the prayer concerning the mother wound also touched my heart. My mother was treated for depression and received injections when I was already in her womb. One doctor suggested to my mother that she abort me, because the injection could have negatively affected my health. During the prayer, I realized that while in the womb, I felt I might have caused my mother pain and trouble. I became aware of my root wound/problem that had shaped my life. I learned why I felt like a burden to everyone, why I felt I had no place in the world, and why I could not accept myself. I felt deeply that the Father wants me and that my life is not meaningless. Glory to the Lord that I can live! I see myself from a different perspective and feel closer to the Father. I would also highlight one teaching about the importance of relationships, because it drew my attention to the fact that the most important thing is to treat each other with love and to end encounters or conversations in peace. I understood that this is far more important than being right or focusing on what I feel. I can now see that this can be a blessing for the other person and for me as well. In light of this, I want to make my decisions. I would also emphasize the important role of testimony, because the stories shared brought new insights and new perspectives to me, encouraging me to boldly give testimony myself.

Participant
During the course I received spiritual healing, and at the end of the prayer I felt relieved, as if something had fallen off me and a great peace filled me. I cried a lot—I didn’t know that as a man one could cry so much. My personal relationship with the Father has been strengthened. During the prayer, in the garden of my heart there were green areas and also rocky parts. Jesus took my hand and said that He would transform the garden of my heart into the Garden of Eden, and He led me further. I asked Jesus where the Father was, and He said: I am in the Father, and He is in me.

Participant
A few months ago, I became aware that I had almost no relationship with the Father. I didn’t know how to connect with Him, so instead I tried to build a relationship with Jesus and the Holy Spirit, and after a while I didn’t even try with the Father anymore. A few months ago, I signed up for this course without really knowing what to expect. It was the most beautiful course I have ever attended. It healed many wounds, and a beautiful relationship with the Father also began to form. My most touching moment was when we were asked to imagine the garden of our heart. I was in the garden with Jesus, and when we went to meet the Father, He was there. Before that, I had never encountered the Father so closely. He was as bright as the sun, shining so strongly—I could only see His outline, but I knew it was Him. The Father embraced me as if He could no longer hold Himself back and said, “My daughter. I missed you so much.” At that moment I felt God, His love and presence, so strongly that I could not even question whether I had imagined it. It was beautiful.
Another deep experience of God happened a few days into the course. It was during a quiet prayer, and I felt that I was tired—I had heard too many things. My mood was also affected by seeing how deeply everyone else seemed to be immersed while I felt I couldn’t. Then I had a thought to tell God this as well—that it just wasn’t working for me at that moment. So, I burst out before the Father, asking Him to forgive me, but saying that I couldn’t and didn’t even want to go deeper right then, and
that I needed space. Then I saw myself sitting on the ground in a white, empty space. After that I saw the Father, who sat down at a respectful distance across from me. He did not come closer—He knew that at that moment I did not desire either an embrace or closeness. Yet it felt so good that He was there, that He respected my feelings and gave me space. I liked this so much—that the Father does not push Himself on you, He will not come closer if you don’t want Him to, but He is still there. After that, of course, I went over to Him and embraced Him again. I desired His closeness again, and Him. After this, it felt as though the course continued with renewed strength. From that moment on I never once felt tired again. The Father was with me the whole time.

Participant
My healing during the course came through a deep experience of divine love. During the course I experienced that all the love I did not receive in my childhood (or did not receive in a pure, unconditional way), the Father wanted to restore in me during this course. He wants to love me so much that all my wounds and pain may be healed. I felt that He is the only one who can love me as I am, who loves me unconditionally—who does not love me because of what I do or do not do, but because I am His child, His daughter, in whom He delights. This course showed me that what my heart truly longs for cannot be received from people, because my heart desires something much deeper—something transcendent, a perfect love that I have no real understanding of, since I could not receive such love from people. What helped me the most to experience an encounter with the Father were the teachings and the exercises. The decision that matured in me during this course is that I want to spend time with the Father every day. I want to walk under His guidance—not relying on myself, but walking while holding His hand. Another decision that formed in me alongside this is that I want to free myself from my false consolations and turn to His consolation instead. For me, this must be a decision made every day.

Participant
For me, the Father’s Heart course was a very good opportunity to face my feelings. I recognized—or perhaps rather believed—that I do not always have to present myself as a strong and independent woman; I can also be a sensitive daughter with real feelings. I realized several small details from my past that shaped me and made me who I am today. I believe that these realizations opened the path of healing for me. Several times I was deeply touched by the realization that the Father is not intrusive, yet He still wants to heal and love us. In fact, if necessary, He is even willing to enter into the childlike “games” within us in order to come closer to us. This helped the walls within me that hold back emotions begin to fall by the end of the course. I cannot say that I have completely become the opposite of the “strong and independent woman” image, but I understood that if I invite the Father into my relationships and entrust my emotions to Him, He will lead me with love and teach me how to truly be sensitive. I also understood that I can share my feelings without feeling weak.

Participant
For me, the God the Father’s Heart course brought many realizations, confirmations, and healing. During the course I was able to experience the Father’s unconditional love, and it helped me in forgiving and letting go. The most touching moment was when I was able to forgive my late father for “leaving” so early. I was able to let him go, and he walked away hand in hand with Jesus toward the Eternal Home. The course also brought the wounds and injuries of my heart to the surface, helping me recognize where I need healing, whom I still need to forgive, and what kinds of rules have been written into my heart. It also showed me how I can hand these over so that the Father may embrace them and heal them. I am deeply grateful to have been able to take part in this course. I sincerely thank Robert and Vicki, the serving team, and the witnesses for their honesty in sharing a small piece of their hearts, which helped transform our hearts of stone into hearts of flesh.